I'm off to read my latest magazine.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sharks we love um
Here in Australia we keep sharks as pets.
Yes it might be dangerous but hell I got a scratch from a cat last Tuesday and it still hasn't healed. Sharks don't scratch remember that. The photos are of a mate of mine with his pet shark called Greg Norman. Greg as you can see just loves cuddles. (PS he is sitting on a dead whale - the japs killed it)
Interesting facts about sharks in Queensland
Did you know that more than 500 sharks had been caught since January 2010 in Queensland?
The biggest catches included:
* A 4.1m tiger shark caught off Townsville.
* A 4m tiger shark caught off Rainbow Beach.
* A4m tiger shark caught off North Stradbroke.
Almost half the sharks caught were 2m or longer - big enough to kill a swimmer. Any size shark can cause serious injury or death if they attack. However, sharks more than 2m long are particularly dangerous and are more likely to cause fatal injuries.
Australian Swimming Secrets
It can now be revealed the secret of Australian swimming - fart power
Yes, what has long been suspected but until now has never been proven until last night when I attended the Australian swimming champs in Sydney and obtained these secret photos (IPhone again).
The smell was gross, but we won the event so stick that up jumper USA and the blokes from China.
Australia's Fattest Man
Today in Sydney Harbour the blob, what is considered Australia's fattest man jumped into the water to save a dollar coin he accidentally dropped over the side of his small boat.
Witnesses say there was a huge splash which send waves up the harbour disrupting many recreational fisherman and placing children's lives at risk as they played near the beach. According to the man the coin was not recovered but said "anybody fucking finding it better fucking return it to me or fucking else, I know what the fuck it looks like"
Aussie Girl Marries Aussie Boy ?
Its great to see Australians getting married, rather than living in sin for soooooooooo long !
Australian IVF clinic develops new technique
Australian IVF clinic develops new technique
Wednesday, March 10, 2010 » 12:34am
An Australian IVF clinic has developed a technique that could revolutionise the pre-screening of embryos, boosting the prospects of many couples seeking to have a healthy baby.
An Australian IVF clinic has developed a technique that could revolutionise the pre-screening of embryos, boosting the prospects of many couples seeking to have a healthy baby.
Sydney IVF has developed an improved method of PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis - which allows embryos to be checked to rule out those likely to miscarry or prone to hereditary disease. Just drink beer and wait for the results. Many Australian men have taken the challenge and signed up for the new technique. Davo (pictured) has given the thumbs up to new technique suggesting its taken a load of the missus.
Whitney in Australia
WhitneyHouston toured Australia for the first time since her Moment Of Truth Tour in 1988.
"Whitney is one of the greatest soul-pop divas and the only artist to chart seven consecutive #1 Billboard Hot 100 hits"
Ticket Prices: Diamond - $195, Gold - $165 , Silver - $125 , GA - $95 , shit seats $10
Yes we all bought tickets expecting to see Whitney give us the goods. Oh, by the way I managed to take her photo between the coughing breaks and the oxygen masks.
Ga Ga Lady fixes my car
Dropped my car off to be fixed and found out the they had just employed a new mechanic. Apparently he was in Australia to sing some tunes but didn't sell enough tickets for the plane fare home. Glad to help out I thought he looked like he needed the money.
Matt Lucas to sing in Australia
I can't wait for this concert, me ma has being looking forward to it as well. We don't get many good acts in Australia but I will be in the front row for this one.
Great Australian Bands
One of the surprises yet to be recognised worldwide is the great range of bands we have in Australia. When me da was young he would go down to the local pub to listen to a group of lads (the wankers) who were just starting out in the business. "Ya need a drummer ya dickheads" he would say.
One afternoon the lads were having a Chinese meal at a local takeaway when one of lads took a fancy to the waitress. She pissed off to England and the lads followed her, never to return. Yoko or Oako or maybe drongo was her name, anyway me da still reckons they need a drummer.
PS thats me da with the drink on the right.
Tiger Woods in Australia
Tiger Woods recently came to Australia and was paid more than the our foreign debt just to whack a small ball around. Meanwhile back at his hotel one of his 19 girlfriends was waiting to whack his balls around.
So when you come to Australia bring your mistress as well, but she must be really trashy and have enormous air bags.
Australian Banana Underpants
Only in Australia can you purchase fruit panties. I prefer the banana shaped as it accommodates my man banana and is good for the environment. Funny, my ex-girlfriend used to wear them inside out ?
Bringing new meaning to the term banana hammock, swimwear company aussieBum has developed the world's first underpants made from banana plants.
Bringing new meaning to the term banana hammock, swimwear company aussieBum has developed the world's first underpants made from banana plants.
The underpants, which are being sold in stores in Cairns, are marketed as an environmentally sustainable, top quality product.
They fabric used to make the underwear is made from the bark of the banana plant, and spun into a soft, smooth fibre.
Australia Snakes eating frogs Frogs eating snakes
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Just when you thought Australia was a great place to visit let me explain the diets of the locals.
Snakes like frogs, frogs like snakes, spiders like snakes, snakes like chicken but don't we all.
Feast your eyes on these little gastronomic delights. All that's missing is the good old trouser snake !
Cigarettes can cause death
Girl dies as cigarette ignites bleachMarch 26, 2010 6:50AM
A BRITISH hairdresser died after her cigarette ignited a leaking bottle of hydrogen peroxide bleach which then blew up in her car as she drove along a quiet country lane, a newspaper reports.
A BRITISH hairdresser died after her cigarette ignited a leaking bottle of hydrogen peroxide bleach which then blew up in her car as she drove along a quiet country lane, a newspaper reports.
The girls grieving father urged hairdressers to show extreme caution when carrying the hydrogen peroxide, a powerful bleach used to lighten hair when mixed with ammonia, the Bournemouth Echo reported.
I knew they could kill you but this is just over the top. Many years ago doctors liked to smoke and the habit caught on. Who could have predicted this ??
Girlfriend in the shower !
Yes I must admit I took this photo of my girlfriend in the shower and no it has not been touched up. Yes she really looks like that - small square breasts. I have tried wearing glasses but they never appear normal - sort of out of focus really. Oh well, she has a nice car and is interested in cricket not all bad I suppose.
What is happening in Sydney ?
UFO buzzes Sydney - and here's 'proof'
Yes Aliens came to Sydney today and and left very quickly after being given a ticket for illegal parking. Parking inspectors managed to snap this photo after trying to attach the ticket on the windscreen.
"We'll get the bastards next time" they said...............
I think its a football, as the footy season has just started and kids are in the parks kicking them around. Who knows ??
What else is happening in Sydney ?
Lovers give Sydney sky-high live sex show
Yes unlike the Aliens this couple stayed for the duration !!
They are most likely tourists visiting this great city. You see Sydney has this strange effect on visitors. They get the urge to, well, just fuck anywhere really. This has alot to do with the early Australian settlement in Sydney Cove. Convicts from England arriving on the ships just couldn't wait to get ashore and have a go. Its a long held tradition. So when you arrive in Sydney just drop to the ground and go for it. I think this couple are from Germany ?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
My most beautiful Girl of the week is KATE
I have been in love with Kate Winslet since she drowned with that Da Vinci guy in that movie.
Her face was just everything I could desire and it was all in one place. I have seen all of her films except the ones she still has to make and my heart leapt with joy when I heard she was single again.
If only she would read by blog and send me a message, but not too late at night if you know what I mean..,
Kate Kate I love you ..........................
George Michael In Sydney
Just comming out of the hotel and who should I see on their way to Oxford street (Oxford street has some great places to have a coffee) but George Michael.I quickly reached into my pocket and pulled out my ....................trusty Iphone and snapped off a few of shots.
I think I caught him by surprise.
Flying to Sydney - yes with OssieAir again!!!!~!!
Here I come Sydney ...................... Thanks to OssieAir !!!!!
God I love this Airline
Crocs attack dumb drunk locals
Did I mention that its not the tourists that are most at risk of being eaten by crocs its the bloody locals. How dumb are these people ? Throwing cans of beer at crocs then surprise surprise they become dinner........... So when visiting Australia be sure to come to the Northern territory and watch locals being eaten alive by crocs, Oh bring a beer.
March 14th, 2008
DRUNKS are more at risk of being chomped by a crocodile, an NT researcher said yesterday.
And it is not because the reptiles love the taste of beer.
But rather because the victims "let their guard down''.
Wildlife Management International chief scientist Charlie Manolis said one in four crocodile attack victims in the Territory had been drinking. And 95 per cent of them were locals. "If they are swimming and a crocodile comes by it is not going to stop and say 'oh he's pissed we'll take him first','' he said.
"It's just people do silly things when they are under the influence -- things they would never do normally while sober.''
Dr Manolis said campers and fishos sometimes threw "caution to the wind'' when drinking in croc habitats.
The most notorious case in the NT was of Jabiru storeman Kerry McLoughlin, 40, who was decapitated by a 5m croc after slipping off Cahill's Crossing on the East Alligator River in 1987.
He threw a can of beer at the croc as it moved to attack him and hit it on the head. The attack was watched by people from the river banks.
March 14th, 2008
DRUNKS are more at risk of being chomped by a crocodile, an NT researcher said yesterday.
And it is not because the reptiles love the taste of beer.
But rather because the victims "let their guard down''.
Wildlife Management International chief scientist Charlie Manolis said one in four crocodile attack victims in the Territory had been drinking. And 95 per cent of them were locals. "If they are swimming and a crocodile comes by it is not going to stop and say 'oh he's pissed we'll take him first','' he said.
"It's just people do silly things when they are under the influence -- things they would never do normally while sober.''
Dr Manolis said campers and fishos sometimes threw "caution to the wind'' when drinking in croc habitats.
The most notorious case in the NT was of Jabiru storeman Kerry McLoughlin, 40, who was decapitated by a 5m croc after slipping off Cahill's Crossing on the East Alligator River in 1987.
He threw a can of beer at the croc as it moved to attack him and hit it on the head. The attack was watched by people from the river banks.
Pretty stupid in pink
Yes the northern part of Australia is full of crocs and they have been eating people and everything else for years. Lara Bingle was actually talking about crocs when she said 'where the bloody hell are you' pity she didn't wait around a bit.
February 10th, 2010
Pink bikini girl flips the bird, after crawling across the mud flat at Shady Camp, home to dozens of saltwater crocs.
FISHERMEN couldn't believe their eyes when they spotted a woman wearing a bright pink bikini swimming in croc-infested water on the weekend.
Mick Albano, of Palmerston, was on one of his regular fishing trips at Shady Camp on Sunday, when he saw the "lady in pink" taking a dip in the water.
"I go fishing there every second weekend but I've never seen anything more stupid," Mr Albano told the Northern Territory News.
"I guess she was a bit pissed and tried to show off when she swam to a mud bank and back to her boat."
NT miners set to ride 'shag bus'
I just love the Northern Territory it is full of true Australians. I recently went there for a visit, but there is a shortage of the female gender and as kangaroos are too hard to catch a 'Shag Bus' seems to be the next best thing.
March 25th, 2010
A HOLE in Alice Springs' escort agency market could be filled by a proposition looking to cash in on a mining boom with its own fly-in fly-out operation.
A businesswoman has applied for a licence to set up an agency that would bring sex workers in from Darwin or interstate on a two weeks on, two weeks off roster.
Other investors, also excited by the boom, want to start up a "Shag Bus" service in a refurbished Winnebago to service horny clients up and down the Stuart Highway.
The idea that a mining boom was attracting sex industry entrepreneurs to The Alice came as no shock to NT Resources Council chief executive Scott Perkins.
"Well, the mining industry has a long history of supporting local businesses," he said, a trifle vaguely. "On top of mining, there are many drilling operations."
March 25th, 2010
A HOLE in Alice Springs' escort agency market could be filled by a proposition looking to cash in on a mining boom with its own fly-in fly-out operation.
A businesswoman has applied for a licence to set up an agency that would bring sex workers in from Darwin or interstate on a two weeks on, two weeks off roster.
Other investors, also excited by the boom, want to start up a "Shag Bus" service in a refurbished Winnebago to service horny clients up and down the Stuart Highway.
The idea that a mining boom was attracting sex industry entrepreneurs to The Alice came as no shock to NT Resources Council chief executive Scott Perkins.
"Well, the mining industry has a long history of supporting local businesses," he said, a trifle vaguely. "On top of mining, there are many drilling operations."
Gettin around the land of OZ - Fly Ossie Air
I always fly Ossie Airlines, why you ask well the 'flight Attendants' are all Australian girls and give you value for money. Even when you are flying shit class eating shit food and sitting next to big fat wankers !
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Where is Australia ?
Australia is the ass end of hell, and for those of you that need more information here is map of our great island. .................
here I am - my first blog
World here comes everthing and anything........................................................
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